I’ve been feeling super down and bummed out the last few days. One of my friends is in hospice. She’s 37. It’s so fucking unfair.
In short, I’ve done exactly what I would tell a ninja training client to do.And I still feel bothered, uncomfortable and plain ol’ stuck. Just slightly less so. Which makes me feel like a fraud, like I have no idea what I’m even doing.
Talking about it with a friend, I realized that it’s more than OK to admit that I’m just plugging along in life. Too often, the Internet self we present is an idealized one (think: Pinterest Perfect) where we have the answer for everything.
This is my problem with life coaches and self-help gurus. I want to be helpful to other people because it energizes me. And I hate seeing folks in distress or trying to muddle their way through a situation (like chemo!) I’ve been through already. My driving philosophy with this blog and with Survival Organs: you’ve got the right answers deep within you. It just takes some work and help to pry them out of your head. And the “right answers” aren’t immediate cures, they help you regroup, reassess where you are and put you on your feet so you can keep going.
Which was a great reminder. The fast tips I used isn’t going to make the grief go away. It’s not supposed to be a miracle cure! It’s about taking care of myself enough that I can keep going on and not fall into a horrible depression. They’re there to help me keep thinking clearly and let me go do something productive-ish with my feelings. To do something more than just sit on the couch, gorging on bad food and then beating myself up.
So I’m going to keep breathing, writing and crafting. I’m also going to cry, think about my friend and what she means to me. And just keep going along in life.