No, my cancer isn’t back. That’s the good news. The bad(ish?) news is that my immunoglobulins are, as the doctor put it, quite low. Which is why I’ve been catching nearly every cold and flu bug that comes my way. The treatment for this is six IV infusions spaced three to four weeks apart. Apparently, this is fairly normal for people who have had Hyper CVAD.
But I don’t care.
The side effects seem to be minimal (as in they only happen in 5% of patients) and I know this means that I’ll start to feel better. Having a cold is no fun, I get that. But this is another sign that I’m dealing with stupid cancer. This isn’t a treatment plan where I just take two pills and then call him in the morning–this is going into an infusion center, getting hooked up to an IV (ugh!) and just sitting there. It’s basically, what I had to do for part of my chemotherapy.
And so I’m mad. I’m mad that I can’t “really” put this behind me. I’m mad that I’m 27 and living with a chronic disease. I’m mad because it’s another six months of my life that I have to plan around treatment and possible side effects.
Thankfully, today is pay day. Which means I’m going to buy myself a sweater’s worth of yarn and cast on for the Swallowtail shawl. I’ll get through this but it still makes me pout.
9 Responses to “Stupid Cancer”
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Love & Light to you, Vanessa.
All these kind people are right, mad is good, mad is positive stuff, but you are allowed to feel exactly how you want to feel whenever you want to feel it. Sending love and hugs and enjoy that sweater’s worth of yarn xx
Lots of hugs
I’m sure it will go well and you will feel better. My dad went through a years worth of transfusions and now hasn’t hasd one for 14 months, his numbers have stayed pretty constant, so it will be worth it in the long run. Good luck, keep smiling
Oh boy. I think it’s good that you’re mad. You have a fighting spirit and you will win. Go get that yarn Mama. At least there is knitting to keep you company and to give you some comfort.
Pout away. We’re all allowed to do it, sometimes.
*HUG*
Mad is good, it is one of the stages of grief. Dealing with cancer and the loss of your “old, planned” life is a process of grief.
I don’t truly know how/what you are feeling but age has little to do with it, my dad was diagnosed with cancer at 76 years old and both he and my mom spent some time mad.
I do understand the loss of the “old, planned” life, divorce did me in once and then fibromyalgia did me in again. It doesn’t necessarily get easier when something new hits you.
Keep yourself busy and as healthy as you can, your “old, planned” life is gone but chances are good that the new, unplanned life will be even better. Beth