Q: What did the boy banana say to the girl banana?
A: Hey! You’re a-PEEL-ing!
Wakka wakka! I love terrible jokes. In all seriousness, though, this blog post is in response (even though I totally agree with her!) to the Sexy Knitter’s latest entry: Don’t compare yourself to others. I’ve written a bit about my fitness goals previously and I’m happy to say that, despite my injury, I had a great day at the gym yesterday and I’m feeling very strong and sexy now.
But what about during treatment? How did I feel when I went from looking like this:
The answer is mixed. Most days, I went around with out a wig on (they’re hot, itchy and would squeeze my head) letting my bald hair, ah, waft? in the breeze. I felt very invincible even thought I was still in the “touch and go” phase of treatment. I realized that I had to personally redefine what “sexy” and “sex appeal” meant to me.
So what does it mean to you, Vanessa? Well, it meant valuing my body for what it can do and focusing on the things I do like about physical self. While I have struggled with self esteem (who hasn’t?), I knew that I had some good ‘inner beauty’ qualities but those were usually small comfort when I felt like my nose was funny looking or my hair wasn’t right or I just couldn’t find any clothes that I liked.
During treatment, it dawned on me that a. no one is looking at me and b. if they are, let ‘em look! This might be the last time any one ever sees me. I would walk down the main street in my very crowded and populated town in the middle of the day with no wig on, no eye lashes and no eye brows. And you know what? No one noticed. Not many people said anything! When they did it was to either compliment me on my glasses or to say that I was really fashion forward to shave my head. Strangers thought I was just making a “statement” and not that I was sick.
So if no one was looking, and if they were they liked what they saw, why was I getting hung up about being ugly? That epiphany has to be one of the most freeing moments of my life. Sexy means loving myself and letting myself be me. It also means eating nourishing foods (guest post on this coming up soon!), getting up and moving my butt for a half hour a day to keep osteoporosis away, and generally taking care of my appearance.
So go on, take care of yourself and wear what you want to wear! No one is looking, no one is judging you. Sadly, we’re all too busy judging ourselves.