Apr 192012
I was asked today what was something that helped me get through my cancer diagnosis and treatment. Several things did help, journaling my feelings, talking to other cancer survivors (you’re a survivor from the moment of diagnosis!) and keeping as active as
possible even if it was just getting out of bed and sitting up in a chair. But the number one thing that both saved my life and my sanity was my knitting.
During the three months of chemotherapy I finished five hats, a cowl and a scarf. I started but never finished two sweaters and a pair of socks. Knitting gave me a purpose, a way to mark the passage of time, and most of all an outlet for my pent up anxiety and anger. Knitting went from something that I would do most days to something that I had to do every single waking moment. If I knit fast enough, I could outpace my cancer’s growth. If I bought enough yarn and had enough projects planned, I could keep death at bay. St Peter couldn’t take me away, I had a sweater to finish first!
Chemo treatment made time slow horribly down. If I had something to work on, my day felt like it went by marginally faster. I would wake up at 5.30 am from a fitful night’s rest and just knit until the sun rose. If I had something to make, I could say that I did more than just lay in a hospital bed hooked up to an IV. My good days were ones where I knitted endlessly. My bad days were marked by stitches rather than inches.
Stabbing my knitting needles through the yarn became my rosary. The rhythmic click became at once soothing and my fight song. I would knit to examine my feelings and to gain distance from them. It was impossible to knit and cry simultaneously so I chose to knit. My world was suddenly much uglier and angry but now I had a way to bring some color and beauty into it. 
Knitting helped to remind me that I had a modicum of control in the world and that I could grow something pleasurable. Every day that I made a stitch was a day that I brought beauty into my world even if my hands were numb.
Knitting helped to remind me that I had a modicum of control in the world and that I could grow something pleasurable. Every day that I made a stitch was a day that I brought beauty into my world even if my hands were numb.The drive to create also became a beacon of hope. It was a reason to keep going through chemo. I had still many more yards to knit. And I still do. There’s still more beauty for me to knit, if cancer didn’t stop that, nothing else will. I am a knitter, I can do anything.
16 Responses to “How Knitting Saved My Life”
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This was so powerful, thank you so much for your honesty, passion and courage!
What an amazing and inspiring post. Thanks for sharing. I’m so glad you had knitting to help you through that time and that you’ve decided to share your projects with us.
I know this is the loveliest thing I will read all day. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Great post! Thank you for sharing.
The power of knitting is great! Keep on surviving, and never stop knitting!
This is one of the most beautiful posts I have read in a while. Your words are inspirational, and you talk about knitting with such passion – wonderful xo
Beautiful post, I am so pleased to hear that knitting was such a positive in your journey. My Dad’s journey with cancer was when I really picked up my needles again, giving me something positive to focus on, and something to do with my hands while I kept him company.
So pleased to read that you are in remission. xx
Beautiful post!
I really enjoyed this post. It’s so heartwarming to hear stories like that. I am so glad you are still around and that knitting helped you through!
Mahalo for sharing such a personal memory. It was written so well and the flow of it and the way you phrased things just wonderful.
You are a survivor and a fighter. Glad you had knitting to take on your roller coaster of emotions. *hugs*
Very touching! Thank you for sharing. Many people out there need to know that knitting and crochet are not a superficial artform. Their repetitive movements have a way of soothing the soul and they are meditative.
Excellent essay.
wow, what an amazing inspirational story!
Fantastic!
Beautiful post.
Very inspiration — and I admire your honesty!
I can relate *a little bit* for knitting helped me get through a health situation too.
Inspiration! Attitude! Teach me to look at life the way you do.